I found the meaning of life in the couch cushions

Thursday:

We attended a panel on making realistic maps for your SF or fantasy world. Apparently, some people fail to realize that water runs downhill (like me). Google Earth can apparently be used to create your own custom shit in 3D, which seems intriguing. I may have to make my own planet.

After that panel, we checked into our hotel, the Sofitel—which is across the street from the Sheraton. We thought this might be easier to manage since the Sofitel has 6 floors in comparison to the Sheraton's eleventy-billion. We hate long elevator rides.

The Sofitel turned out to be kinda snooty and psuedo-French. The décor is French and all the staff says “bonjour” to you (then they proceed to speak to you in normal English). The pretentious atmosphere was kind of weird. The wi-fi was extremely expensive and you literally got no freebies (no complimentary breakfast/coffee or anything like that). It rather felt like being a redneck in Queen Victoria's court.

The highlight of the evening was the Mad Scientist Smackdown. A panel voted on which mad scientist would win in a fight as pictures of the characters were displayed. Match ups included: Doc Brown vs Dr Horrible, Poison Ivy vs Dr Forester and Dr House vs Scottie. The winner, obviously, was Dr Bunsen Honeydew from The Muppet Show. Obviously. He could kick anyone's ass.

After wards, we popped into the post-apocalyptic survival panel just in time to see some chick eat dog food. Twinkies were thrown. After that, we hit up a few rooms for booze, and went to bed early to prepare for the next day....



Friday

We were woke up by frantic banging on our door by a hotel maid desperately wanting to give us more soap (it was understandable, after all, it was con...). Unable to sleep, we said fuck it all, and dragged our tired selves to the first panel of the day! Cartoons of the 80s and 90s. The panel covered childhood favorites such as Jem, Transformers, Ninja Turtles, Captain Planet, etc, etc. It was amazing squee time.

After that came Modern Day Snake Oil, which was a panel hosted by Skepchicks! I learned that bug zappers are useless for mosquito control, in that they only kill pollinating insects that are beneficial. Citronella doesn't work either. We also made fun of alternative medicine a lot. :)

After a food break, we came back for Power Point Karaoke! In this panel, a number of improv panelists gave a Power Point presentation to really weird slides they'd never seen before. Now, I know how we can monetize David Bowie's crotch...

Believable Heroines was next. Unfortunately, the conversation had little to do with writing good characters and more to do with “I read this book that had a strong female in it.” That's all well and good, but we came for tips on believable writing, not mental masturbation. The panelists themselves were decent, they just got off topic when the audience started participating. It was a little frustrating.

We then went to dinner with friends at TGI Friday. I tried the pink punk cosmo (a cosmo poured over cotton candy). It was yummy. We got in line for Vilification Tennis (insult show) early and got good seats. It truly was the most offensive show at the con. I laughed until my sides hurt. Watching the ASL interpreters try to sign some of the insults was almost more funny than the actual insults. They even managed to sign: “parading lesbian bearded cow.”

After that, it was room parties until I was hammered. I tried absinthe for the first time. It was strong and not that tasty, so I'll probably pass next time. But I will try anything at least once. Also, zombie snot is delicious.



Saturday

Some douchewad stole the “Do Not Disturb” sign off our door while we were sleeping, so again, we woke up to a frantic maid with soap. We decided just to tell the front desk we didn't want any visits from housekeeping.

I actually managed to get back to sleep, before waking up for the panel on Women Secular Activists. It was standing room only. Many stories were swapped. It was great to see that many people interested in secular activism. This panel may spawn a rant later on women, positive body image and self-esteem later, so I won't ramble here.

We then hit up the dealer's room and the art show. I bought a great print and a dragon/penguin figurine. There was food, then Drinking with geeks!

Drinking with geeks is pretty much what it sounds like. There was booze and two men kissing (yes, many of us ladies love watching gay guys just as much as you men love lesbians....so get over it.) Someone brought a case of the new $2.99 Walgreens beer. I also learned that there is a drink called a 16 year old hooker.

Then there was Science Based Sex! Another standing room only panel, in which glorious science was discussed. Yes, monogamy is a fairly modern social construct. Then they talked about bug sex.

At this point, I was halfway through a flask of gin, so it's a little fuzzy. We went to a panel that was like Mystery Science Theater. They took the sound out of B Movies and the panelists had to provide the dialog. Someone provided music on a theremin. I laughed until I nearly threw up. There was a movie where KISS had to fight albino werewolves. Sparks flew out their crotches. I don't recommend watching this movie sober.

Gallons of free booze later (well, almost. I tipped my favorite room parties!) I learned that I will never be able to get drunk enough to dance at a rave. Instead, we went to play some pod-mecha video game where we sat in a fake cockpit and pretended to beat the crap out of each other.



Sunday

We only did one panel Sunday, which was the believable futures panel. Seeing as how it was Sunday morning, there were about 10 people in attendance. Despite the hangover, I found the panel useful.

Then I bought a t-shirt and we went home.

If you managed to read all the way through this...then you must have been really bored. Cheers to you.